Holes

Brenda repainted David's room today with the help of two dear friends.  She settled on Stratton Blue.  I think it is the same color as our laundry room.  After hours of work and two coats of paint the room looks very different.  As you walk into the room even the smell tells you that something has changed.  But it's still David's room.

As I was preparing the walls to be painted memories flooded my mind with every hole I patched.  On one wall there were 10 or 15 divots where David's rocker/recliner nicked the wall as he rocked with zeal listening and creating in his mind's eye the Yankee or Green Bay Packers game he was listening to.  Often as he talked on the phone with friends he would rock back and forth, not meaning to gouge the walls, but lost in conversation with someone about his latest girlfriend or sports team's victory.  Each hole an expression of some emotion he was experiencing.

The biggest hole required a 4 inch patch and three coats of spackle.  It's where we mounted a video camera that allowed us to check on David from our bedroom.  He never knew the video camera was there.  It allowed us to keep an eye on him.  Now he keeps an eye on us. 

Several of the holes were created by small nails that held up Green Bay and Yankee paraphernalia. As I filled in the two holes that held up the Bronx Bombers Blvd. sign over the door to his closet I imagined the joy David would have had if he had lived long enough to see the Yankees win the World Series this year.  But I also pictured the disappointment he would have experienced this past Sunday as the Packers lost to the Cardinals in over time in the wild card game.  While it pains me to admit this, in honor of David I think I am going to root for Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings for this years Super Bowl 

One of the the things I discovered is that patching holes is not a one step process.  My friend Norm at True Value said some holes will take up to three coats of spackle so be patient.  I am discovering that the same is true about the holes that have been left in our lives since David passed away.  The nicks left by past memories, the gaping hole left by his absence as we sit around the dining table or at holiday gatherings, the hundreds of small holes left by stories remembered, tears shed, and questions that remain unanswered all cry to be filled in.  Some only required a quick pass of the putty knife and a small amount of putty.  Most I am finding are going to need several coats of spackle, light sanding, and lots of time.  I think I may go back to Norm tomorrow for my next counseling appointment.